Bill's personality started to get worse and he started to regress to memories of when he was a kid. One day, Herbena came home with her granddaughter and relieved her friend who was looking after him. The errand had taken longer than expected and it was Bill's usual dinner time. Also, there was a problem with the heating in the apartment building. All of these factors were affecting his mood.
While the granddaughter was in the next room, Herbena took Bill into the kitchen and was rushing to make him some dinner. In her rush to get his dinner on the table, his tea cup tipped and almost spilled. Bill started yelling at Herbena and calling her rude names. Their granddaughter could not believe her ears. Was this the same calm, sweet grandfather she had always known. The same grandfather that always called her "Sweetie Pie". She immediately stood up and walked into the kitchen and told him to stop yelling at Herbena. He was shocked because he had forgotten that the granddaughter was there. Herbena didn't even flinch, just stood there and took it. The granddaughter asked Herbena if he yelled at her like that often. Herbena said "All the time."
That summer, Herbena went away on a trip with 1 daughter, granddaughter, 1 son and daughter-in-law to a family reunion. She wasn't going to go, but her kids convinced her to temporarily put Bill in a home during the trip. She felt so guilty but could not deny that she had a great time on the trip. It was the first break she had in a long time. When she came back, she decided to look into a permanent placement for Bill.
Shortly after, Bill was in a home permanently. Herbena visited him daily for many hours. Family members visited him often in the home. Bill seemed to be doing well there. The staff was so good to him. Everyone just played along with whatever era he thought he was in. Some of these eras included times when he was a teen and playing in a band or times when his kids where young. He often referred to his granddaughter as his daughter. She didn't mind. She just played along.
The following Christmas, the family decided to bring Bill home for Christmas dinner. Nobody wanted to leave him out of the festivities. However, from the time he arrived at the apartment, he was confused about everything. His routine was interrupted. He yelled at his son. He complained about everything. Everyone tried to put on a happy face but in the end, Herbena was saddened by the whole event. When the kids brought him back to the home, he was a completely different personality and settled right back into his routine. Clearly, the home was the best place for him.
With Christmas behind her, Herbena tried to settle back into her new life but then illness hit her. She was in and out of the hospital. Finally, she went from one daughter's house to the other. Her other 2 kids lived out of town but stayed close to the phone and talked to her often. Then one day, her health got even worse and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor's stabilized her. But a few days later, her two daughters, both nurses knew that she would not be around for much longer. Nobody at any time told Bill what was going on. They didn't want him to be sad if he even remembered her. Also, they knew that he would not remember later anyways.
Finally on January 26, Herbena lost her battle with life. The kids and grandkids all came home. After the funeral, everyone took their shifts at the home visiting Bill. Still nobody told him anything about their loss. YET Bill kept saying things like "Well she's up there now doing her duty". When asked about it, he got confused.
Everyone went on with their lives trying to adjust to life without Herbena. Regular monthly calls to each other turned into weekly calls just to talk. Everyone, once again, banded together to support each other through their grief. Then it happened...
22 days after the loss of Herbena... Bill usually calm, living in other eras of his life, started to have a fit in the dining room at the home. Refusing to settle into his usual routine, he kept telling the nurse "I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN AND BE WITH HERBENA". The nurses managed to calm him but during his dinner, he slumped over his plate and had a stroke. His kids rushed to the home and sat by his bedside. They held his hand and just kept telling him, "It's okay Dad, go to Mom, we will be okay." He died that night.
All the kids were shocked by the fact that Bill knew somehow that Herbena had died. Even if he was told by a nurse or someone else, how did he remember her and how did he manage to control the timing of his death. The kids all commented on how it seemed like he waited for her to go ahead of him and prepare a place for him in Heaven; looking after him in Heaven just like she did in life. In his grief, the eldest son joked that they were now orphans. Herbena was in her 82nd year and Bill was in his 85th year. They would have been married 63 years.
While the granddaughter was in the next room, Herbena took Bill into the kitchen and was rushing to make him some dinner. In her rush to get his dinner on the table, his tea cup tipped and almost spilled. Bill started yelling at Herbena and calling her rude names. Their granddaughter could not believe her ears. Was this the same calm, sweet grandfather she had always known. The same grandfather that always called her "Sweetie Pie". She immediately stood up and walked into the kitchen and told him to stop yelling at Herbena. He was shocked because he had forgotten that the granddaughter was there. Herbena didn't even flinch, just stood there and took it. The granddaughter asked Herbena if he yelled at her like that often. Herbena said "All the time."
That summer, Herbena went away on a trip with 1 daughter, granddaughter, 1 son and daughter-in-law to a family reunion. She wasn't going to go, but her kids convinced her to temporarily put Bill in a home during the trip. She felt so guilty but could not deny that she had a great time on the trip. It was the first break she had in a long time. When she came back, she decided to look into a permanent placement for Bill.
Shortly after, Bill was in a home permanently. Herbena visited him daily for many hours. Family members visited him often in the home. Bill seemed to be doing well there. The staff was so good to him. Everyone just played along with whatever era he thought he was in. Some of these eras included times when he was a teen and playing in a band or times when his kids where young. He often referred to his granddaughter as his daughter. She didn't mind. She just played along.
The following Christmas, the family decided to bring Bill home for Christmas dinner. Nobody wanted to leave him out of the festivities. However, from the time he arrived at the apartment, he was confused about everything. His routine was interrupted. He yelled at his son. He complained about everything. Everyone tried to put on a happy face but in the end, Herbena was saddened by the whole event. When the kids brought him back to the home, he was a completely different personality and settled right back into his routine. Clearly, the home was the best place for him.
With Christmas behind her, Herbena tried to settle back into her new life but then illness hit her. She was in and out of the hospital. Finally, she went from one daughter's house to the other. Her other 2 kids lived out of town but stayed close to the phone and talked to her often. Then one day, her health got even worse and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor's stabilized her. But a few days later, her two daughters, both nurses knew that she would not be around for much longer. Nobody at any time told Bill what was going on. They didn't want him to be sad if he even remembered her. Also, they knew that he would not remember later anyways.
Finally on January 26, Herbena lost her battle with life. The kids and grandkids all came home. After the funeral, everyone took their shifts at the home visiting Bill. Still nobody told him anything about their loss. YET Bill kept saying things like "Well she's up there now doing her duty". When asked about it, he got confused.
Everyone went on with their lives trying to adjust to life without Herbena. Regular monthly calls to each other turned into weekly calls just to talk. Everyone, once again, banded together to support each other through their grief. Then it happened...
22 days after the loss of Herbena... Bill usually calm, living in other eras of his life, started to have a fit in the dining room at the home. Refusing to settle into his usual routine, he kept telling the nurse "I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN AND BE WITH HERBENA". The nurses managed to calm him but during his dinner, he slumped over his plate and had a stroke. His kids rushed to the home and sat by his bedside. They held his hand and just kept telling him, "It's okay Dad, go to Mom, we will be okay." He died that night.
All the kids were shocked by the fact that Bill knew somehow that Herbena had died. Even if he was told by a nurse or someone else, how did he remember her and how did he manage to control the timing of his death. The kids all commented on how it seemed like he waited for her to go ahead of him and prepare a place for him in Heaven; looking after him in Heaven just like she did in life. In his grief, the eldest son joked that they were now orphans. Herbena was in her 82nd year and Bill was in his 85th year. They would have been married 63 years.
Nana and Papa... I'm sorry if I messed up some of the details of your life. Some of these events happened before I was born and some when I was really young. I only have 2 regrets about my relationship with you: 1 - I didn't come home the night before you died to say goodbye; and 2 - you never got to meet my wonderful husband and 2 beautiful daughters. Even though it has been 9 years since you are gone, I still miss you both very much. I love you.
Bill and Herbena
No comments:
Post a Comment