- 4 YEAR OLD: "Mommy why does she have a baby in her tummy?"
- MOM: "She is going to be a mommy. She is married". I fibbed about the last part.
- 4 YEAR OLD: "I am going to have a baby someday."
- MOM: "Oh really. Well you have to be a big girl and be married. Do you like boys?"
- 4 YEAR OLD: "Yes"
- MOM (thinking to herself): YIKES!!
- 4 YEAR OLD: "I'm going to marry HIPPO."
- MOM (still thinking to herself): Oh thank god for Hippo. Her 3 foot long orange with yellow spots stuffed Hippopotamus!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Thoughts on Marriage When You are 4
As a parent you worry about how soon your daughter(s) will start to think about boys, the birds and the bees and even marriage. Well my heart raced a little the other day when my 4 year old and I were watching 90210 and she asked... "Mommy why does she have a baby in her tummy?" Here is our conversation:
Friday, May 8, 2009
Abusing Our Rights As Women
We all know the history of women and how they had to fight for the rights we have today. At one time, women could not vote, could not hold a job, essentially were meant to be seen and not heard. Well I am not going to retell the story of how we have overcome this. But alas, we have. Women are now voting, making major decisions at home and at the office, and women not only have jobs but there are lots of powerful women in the world not only running major corporations but also nations. So as a women I say thank you and do not choose to abuse those rights and try to consider everyone equal.
However, there are many women who take advantage of their rights and push them as far as they can for selfish reasons. I am specifically speaking of women's rights as a Mother. When a couple breaks up, if there are children, the situation is never pretty. History has shown that in the majority of the cases, the mother is granted custody of the children. Courts have always believed and judged that the mother is the more suitable parent for either sole custody or primary custody. This unfortunately makes it difficult to stand by and watch many cases where the Dad is clearly the better parent but is discouraged in his fight. Here is a story of Dad who is getting the raw end of the deal.
******************
Meet Greg. He is a trusting guy who met a girl, named Patty, and fell in love. Together they produced two beautiful children. Not wanting to give up her party lifestyle, Patty smoked and drank through both pregnancies which led to premature births and other complications. But with God and luck on their side, both babies were strong and pulled through.
A few days after their son was brought home from the hospital, Patty left Greg with both children. She told Greg that she hadn't loved him since their first baby was born. Greg devastated, packed up his kids and their belongings and moved back to his hometown where he could get assistance from his parents.
A few months later, Patty decided that she needed to be a mom (most likely pressured by her own parents) and moved to the same town as Greg. She approached Greg and together they came up with a verbal agreement on shared custody. Months and years went by, these verbal agreements changed many times mostly because Patty could not meet her end of the deal and kept changing the rules. She also engaged her parents to pressure Greg into giving up his kids many times to Patty. Of course when Patty needed a baby sitter because there was a party to go to, Greg was the first person she called.
Fed up with his situation, Greg approached a lawyer for some advice, who in turn gave him the statistics of mothers versus fathers and how the fathers typically lose. This was mostly because Greg had a full-time job. How was he supposed to look after his kids if he was working. Whereas Patty was living on welfare and she knew that this made her look like the better "full-time" parent. In fact, she tormented Greg about it.
Today, Greg continues to send child support payments to Patty for both kids. They now have a verbal agreement to share the kids. Greg gets them on his days off and Patty on the days when Greg works. Patty on the other hand... APPARENTLY (witnesses have said) goes to the bar even on days when she has the kids. The kids tag along. She has a new boyfriend who has a daughter of his own who takes priority. Patty makes frequent calls to Greg and tells him how their children now call her new boyfriend Dad. This breaks Greg's heart. She continues to torment him but when the kids both need to go to the doctor or had to have surgery, Greg is always the one who takes responsibility.
******************
Why is that some women are nasty enough to learn the law and the rights that they have as women and choose to lie so they can get what they want. Patty knows that if she stays on welfare, she looks like the better parent as the full-time, stay-at-home mom.
I have even heard of another story, where a women isolated her husband from his family and friends. When she grew tired of him, she left him, took the kids and ran to a shelter claiming to be abused. He has never abused her and would never hurt anyone. She is now trying to keep him even from having phone calls with his children. He is devastated and wants only to have the chance to speak with and see his children.
If you know of similar stories of women who abuse our rights, feel free to share or comment.
However, there are many women who take advantage of their rights and push them as far as they can for selfish reasons. I am specifically speaking of women's rights as a Mother. When a couple breaks up, if there are children, the situation is never pretty. History has shown that in the majority of the cases, the mother is granted custody of the children. Courts have always believed and judged that the mother is the more suitable parent for either sole custody or primary custody. This unfortunately makes it difficult to stand by and watch many cases where the Dad is clearly the better parent but is discouraged in his fight. Here is a story of Dad who is getting the raw end of the deal.
******************
Meet Greg. He is a trusting guy who met a girl, named Patty, and fell in love. Together they produced two beautiful children. Not wanting to give up her party lifestyle, Patty smoked and drank through both pregnancies which led to premature births and other complications. But with God and luck on their side, both babies were strong and pulled through.
A few days after their son was brought home from the hospital, Patty left Greg with both children. She told Greg that she hadn't loved him since their first baby was born. Greg devastated, packed up his kids and their belongings and moved back to his hometown where he could get assistance from his parents.
A few months later, Patty decided that she needed to be a mom (most likely pressured by her own parents) and moved to the same town as Greg. She approached Greg and together they came up with a verbal agreement on shared custody. Months and years went by, these verbal agreements changed many times mostly because Patty could not meet her end of the deal and kept changing the rules. She also engaged her parents to pressure Greg into giving up his kids many times to Patty. Of course when Patty needed a baby sitter because there was a party to go to, Greg was the first person she called.
Fed up with his situation, Greg approached a lawyer for some advice, who in turn gave him the statistics of mothers versus fathers and how the fathers typically lose. This was mostly because Greg had a full-time job. How was he supposed to look after his kids if he was working. Whereas Patty was living on welfare and she knew that this made her look like the better "full-time" parent. In fact, she tormented Greg about it.
Today, Greg continues to send child support payments to Patty for both kids. They now have a verbal agreement to share the kids. Greg gets them on his days off and Patty on the days when Greg works. Patty on the other hand... APPARENTLY (witnesses have said) goes to the bar even on days when she has the kids. The kids tag along. She has a new boyfriend who has a daughter of his own who takes priority. Patty makes frequent calls to Greg and tells him how their children now call her new boyfriend Dad. This breaks Greg's heart. She continues to torment him but when the kids both need to go to the doctor or had to have surgery, Greg is always the one who takes responsibility.
******************
Why is that some women are nasty enough to learn the law and the rights that they have as women and choose to lie so they can get what they want. Patty knows that if she stays on welfare, she looks like the better parent as the full-time, stay-at-home mom.
I have even heard of another story, where a women isolated her husband from his family and friends. When she grew tired of him, she left him, took the kids and ran to a shelter claiming to be abused. He has never abused her and would never hurt anyone. She is now trying to keep him even from having phone calls with his children. He is devastated and wants only to have the chance to speak with and see his children.
If you know of similar stories of women who abuse our rights, feel free to share or comment.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Lacey The Wonder Pet
You might remember the famous TV dogs that look out for kids... Lassie... Littlest Hobo... Old Yeller... Let me introduce you to our dog Lacey. She is a 6 year old Boxer-Beagle. Before I tell you why she is our daughters' bodyguard, let me tell you how her life almost ended before it began.
In November 2002, there was a farmer who bred Boxers. He prided himself in the boxer puppies that he produced. Well one of his female adult boxers escaped one night bored with her surroundings. She wandered off to a nearby home where she met a dashing Beagle. He romanced her all night long. The lady Boxer at last realized that she needed to return home before she was missed. Life went back to normal at home although the lady Boxer often thought about her one-night stand with the handsome Beagle. Suddenly she realized that her body was starting to change again.
Surprise, Surprise!! January 2003, lady Boxer gave birth to 7 little baby Boxer-Beagles. The owner was outraged! What if word got out? He decided that he needed to "dispose" of these creatures. Well word did get out... and not only of the new litter but also of his plans to destroy the puppies. A group of folks including my sister-in-law set out to find homes for these cute little puppies. She gave us a call and we jumped at the chance and also helped her to find a home for one other puppy. In the end, she and her friends had found homes for all 7 puppies. Well the greedy owner realized the popularity of the puppies and apparently started breeding Boxer-Beagles after that.
Lacey has been the best dog since day one. Oh don't get me wrong! She had her "puppy" moments. Like chewing a pair of glasses, a cell phone and even our love seat. We took her to training and eventually, she became a well-behaved dog. She still has her faults but she is still by-far the best.
Why do we brag about our dog so much? Well 2 years later came baby #1... a beautiful baby girl. Some dogs might have their nose out of joint, but not Lacey. She set made it her task to watch out for the baby. Here are some situations where Lacey was looking out for our daughter:
Situation #1:We put our daughter to bed upstairs. We came downstairs and stepped out onto the back porch. After a few minutes, Lacey came running to the door. My husband thought that she wanted to go out so he grabbed the leash to take her for a walk. But he was mistaken... Lacey ran passed him up the stairs to our daughter's room. There she was... she had fallen out of bed and was crying. We could not believe that Lacey had come to get us.
Situation #2:We were at a family reunion. Lacey was playing with a puppy, jumping, barking and tackling each other. It was cute and playful. Suddenly, their little game started to migrate too close to our daughter. We literally saw Lacey's eyes dart towards our daughter and she steered the puppy in the other direction. Again we were so surprised at her behaviour but so proud.
Situation #3:We were at the leash free puppy park. Lacey was off running with other dogs. Suddenly another dog came running by us and lost her balance and accidentally knocked our daughter over. Lacey saw this and immediately came running over to check her out.
We are so proud of our dog. She is always so good to our daughter even when our daughter pulls her tail, steps on her feet and hugs her way too hard. We always try to ensure that our daughter treats Lacey nicely and she is getting better. Even now with baby #2, Lacey is very good with her as well. She is so gentle around her and occasionally tries to give her a kiss.
Here are some pictures of our beautiful dog:
In November 2002, there was a farmer who bred Boxers. He prided himself in the boxer puppies that he produced. Well one of his female adult boxers escaped one night bored with her surroundings. She wandered off to a nearby home where she met a dashing Beagle. He romanced her all night long. The lady Boxer at last realized that she needed to return home before she was missed. Life went back to normal at home although the lady Boxer often thought about her one-night stand with the handsome Beagle. Suddenly she realized that her body was starting to change again.
Surprise, Surprise!! January 2003, lady Boxer gave birth to 7 little baby Boxer-Beagles. The owner was outraged! What if word got out? He decided that he needed to "dispose" of these creatures. Well word did get out... and not only of the new litter but also of his plans to destroy the puppies. A group of folks including my sister-in-law set out to find homes for these cute little puppies. She gave us a call and we jumped at the chance and also helped her to find a home for one other puppy. In the end, she and her friends had found homes for all 7 puppies. Well the greedy owner realized the popularity of the puppies and apparently started breeding Boxer-Beagles after that.
Lacey has been the best dog since day one. Oh don't get me wrong! She had her "puppy" moments. Like chewing a pair of glasses, a cell phone and even our love seat. We took her to training and eventually, she became a well-behaved dog. She still has her faults but she is still by-far the best.
Why do we brag about our dog so much? Well 2 years later came baby #1... a beautiful baby girl. Some dogs might have their nose out of joint, but not Lacey. She set made it her task to watch out for the baby. Here are some situations where Lacey was looking out for our daughter:
Situation #1:We put our daughter to bed upstairs. We came downstairs and stepped out onto the back porch. After a few minutes, Lacey came running to the door. My husband thought that she wanted to go out so he grabbed the leash to take her for a walk. But he was mistaken... Lacey ran passed him up the stairs to our daughter's room. There she was... she had fallen out of bed and was crying. We could not believe that Lacey had come to get us.
Situation #2:We were at a family reunion. Lacey was playing with a puppy, jumping, barking and tackling each other. It was cute and playful. Suddenly, their little game started to migrate too close to our daughter. We literally saw Lacey's eyes dart towards our daughter and she steered the puppy in the other direction. Again we were so surprised at her behaviour but so proud.
Situation #3:We were at the leash free puppy park. Lacey was off running with other dogs. Suddenly another dog came running by us and lost her balance and accidentally knocked our daughter over. Lacey saw this and immediately came running over to check her out.
We are so proud of our dog. She is always so good to our daughter even when our daughter pulls her tail, steps on her feet and hugs her way too hard. We always try to ensure that our daughter treats Lacey nicely and she is getting better. Even now with baby #2, Lacey is very good with her as well. She is so gentle around her and occasionally tries to give her a kiss.
Here are some pictures of our beautiful dog:
Lacey as a puppy
Lacey enjoying a boat ride
Lacey (red collar) and her sister (blue collar)
Lacey Being Tormented
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Pregnancy and Smoking Don't Mix
I am sure that you have heard all the health warnings about smoking, drinking and drugs during pregnancy. They seem to be everywhere... on cigarette packages... on billboards... on commercials and of course in doctor's offices. So then how come some people still haven't gotten it? Well if you talk to them they will tell you tales of people who have smoked during pregnancy and everything worked out fine. They must be the lucky ones. And the majority of those stories all took place in the 60's, 70's and 80's. Cigarettes are not the same anymore. Here is a story of a little girl who wasn't so lucky. Just to protect her identity... Let's say her name is Dora. I know she likes "Dora the Explorer" so she won't mind.
In September 2003, I got the phone call from her Dad. "I am going to be a Dad." That's wonderful I thought! Well everything after that all happened so fast. The Mom did not even know that she was pregnant for a few months mostly because her cycle had never been normal. My thinking might be biased but I am guessing that smoking didn't help that either. Well, here we go... fast as fast can be, here came Dora... November 2003. Yes her mom knew that she was pregnant a grand total of 2 months. Now that would seem great for all those who hate being pregnant like me but this was not a great beginning for a little girl. Dora was born on week 28. She was a little over 3 lbs. She was not a healthy little baby and being premature she had to spend the next 2 months in the hospital. She had the joy of spending her first Christmas in a prenatal nursery in the hospital. Even her mom had a few complications during the birth that made her stay a few extra days.
January came along and Dora finally got to come home. Mom and Dad were thrilled. For the next little while, everything seemed to be going well. There were the usual doctor's appointments. However, there was one catch... As far as I understand, all babies have a hole in their heart, but it closes up when we are born. However for premature babies, this hole can take up to 2 years after birth to heal. So the Doctor's told Mom and Dad that they would just monitor it until she turned 2 and then discuss options. This "monitoring" involved many trips back and forth from home to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto and they did not live in Toronto. So the next couple of years passed, Dora seemed like a typical little girl... hyper... terrible two's... first words... first smiles... first teeth. All the joys that come with being an infant then toddler. Everyone loved this little girl. She was the first grandchild in her family. There were a few other challenges in her life, for instance right after her baby brother was born, her parents went their separate ways but that's another story.
So age 2 came along... Dad took Dora to the doctor's and he got the news that he didn't want to hear. Her hole was not closing up at all. They would wait a couple of years and then she would have to go to Sick Kids Hospital for a special heart procedure. This procedure involved going through her femoral artery in her groin and inserting a stent up into her heart. This stent would be strategically placed in the hole and over time, pull the hole closed and allow it to heal. Sounds crazy but this was apparently a well known procedure and her chances were great. So for the next couple of years, we put this in the back of our minds.
So age 4 came along, Dad had to schedule her heart procedure with Sick Kids Hospital. Of course, there was a waiting period, but this would not affect the outcome. Dora was scheduled for her procedure in September. September finally arrived... Dad and Nana were extremely nervous. They travelled down for this procedure that was to take place on Monday morning and she was to go home that night. Dad, Nana and Dora arrived at Sick Kids Hospital. If you have ever been there, you will agree with me what a wonderful place it is. It looks like a huge shopping mall that is all decorated with themes that kids love. But hopefully, you never have any need to go there.
The Doctor's sat down and talked to Dad and Nana about everything that was to take place. Dora would be prepped and anesthetized. They would go in through the femoral artery in her right groin to insert the stent. Once the procedure is done, she will have a few hours recovery and then she could go home or at least stay with the friends that lived in town. That was what was supposed to happen... Two hours, later the surgeon came out and broke the bad news to Dad and Nana. There is a 1 in 100,000 chance that during the procedure the stent can malfunction. Dora became chance 100,000. The surgeon did an excellent job in maneuvering the malfunctioned stent and essentially saved Dora's life but the stent was of no use now. The only option now was for the surgeon to perform open heart surgery on Dora to remove the stent and sew the hole up manually. Now, if you are like me... you think of "old people" having open heart surgery. But remember, Dora at this time was only 4 and a half.
If you know anything about Open Heart Surgery, it is exactly as it sounds. The surgeon had to cut through Dora's chest to get to her heart, where she removed the malfunctioned stent and sewed the hole in her heart. While in there, she had to insert a pace maker to help monitor her heart. The surgery took the maximum number of hours that the surgeon said it would so when that time was up, Nana and Dad were going crazy wondering what was going on. If you have ever been to a service center for your car, the more modern places have a monitor on the wall that tells you the status of your car and where in line you are. Sick Kids does the same thing. Nana and Dad watched this monitor for over 4 hours. Finally, the surgeon came out and he took them aside. Dora came through the surgery with flying colors. She is now resting in recovery and Dad could go see her.
It was a wonderful but pitiful sight. There was Dora. The kid we remember as smiling, giggling, running around getting into trouble now lying almost lifeless in a hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor. She had an IV in her arm, catheters coming out of both groins from the original procedure and wires coming out of her chest from the pace maker. This was hard to see. She had her 2 toys that she was allowed to have with her (Tasha and Uniqua from the Backyardigans) both with arm bands like Dora's.
Dad is not a religious man but I am betting that he said a few prayers that day and a few thank yous as well. Dora stayed in the hospital for the rest of the week, 3 more days at their friends in town and then had her follow-up appointment with the Cardiologist and the surgeon. Dora was recovering well. She was on multiple medications. Some for her heart and some for the fluid that was in her lungs from being on the heart and lung machine during the surgeries. Dora was able to go home after 8 days. It's amazing how fast some kids recover.
Dora is now over 5 years old and so far everything is going well. Except for the fact that about a month after she went back to school, she was running and fell and knocked here 2 front teeth back. This poor kid... what else can go wrong? The dentist was able to help her out.
As for the Mom, did she learn her lesson about smoking and drinking during pregnancy? Not so much... Dora's little brother Diego was also born premature. He was born after 29 weeks almost the same weight as Dora at birth. He was born with a brain bleed that required him to stay in the hospital for 3 months after his birth. He later developed Strabismus. This is a condition where your eyes are cross eyed. Diego was far sighted and had trouble seeing things up close. He over-compensated by crossing his eyes. He had to go for surgery at Sick Kids Hospital also. This surgery involved correcting the muscles around his eyes. He has to wear glasses for his eyesight and to help his eyes to heal. He was 3 when he had his surgery just a month before Dora's heart surgery.
When I visited the Mom in the hospital when Diego was born, she was sitting up on the bed cross-legged and feeling no pain. I couldn't believe my eyes. I told her, "Wow!! look at you sitting up already." Her response: "Yeah I am very lucky my babies are small". LUCKY!! I bit my tongue. You are not lucky when your babies are premature, not healthy and go on to have surgery after surgery. I have also heard nurses talk about delivering babies from smoking mothers where the placenta was like jelly, hence making it hard for the baby to breathe. Other babies are born with more life threatening conditions and are not as "lucky" as Dora and Diego.
If you know of someone who is pregnant and is still smoking or drinking, feel free to share my story with them. Maybe it will help them to quit, if not for themselves but maybe for their baby. It is no picnic going through all those issues when you are old, let alone when you are a newborn or a child.
The happy ending to this story is that as long as Dora and Diego continue to heal well from their surgeries and no other medical issues arise, they should be able to grow up and live normal lives. They are the "lucky" ones.
In September 2003, I got the phone call from her Dad. "I am going to be a Dad." That's wonderful I thought! Well everything after that all happened so fast. The Mom did not even know that she was pregnant for a few months mostly because her cycle had never been normal. My thinking might be biased but I am guessing that smoking didn't help that either. Well, here we go... fast as fast can be, here came Dora... November 2003. Yes her mom knew that she was pregnant a grand total of 2 months. Now that would seem great for all those who hate being pregnant like me but this was not a great beginning for a little girl. Dora was born on week 28. She was a little over 3 lbs. She was not a healthy little baby and being premature she had to spend the next 2 months in the hospital. She had the joy of spending her first Christmas in a prenatal nursery in the hospital. Even her mom had a few complications during the birth that made her stay a few extra days.
January came along and Dora finally got to come home. Mom and Dad were thrilled. For the next little while, everything seemed to be going well. There were the usual doctor's appointments. However, there was one catch... As far as I understand, all babies have a hole in their heart, but it closes up when we are born. However for premature babies, this hole can take up to 2 years after birth to heal. So the Doctor's told Mom and Dad that they would just monitor it until she turned 2 and then discuss options. This "monitoring" involved many trips back and forth from home to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto and they did not live in Toronto. So the next couple of years passed, Dora seemed like a typical little girl... hyper... terrible two's... first words... first smiles... first teeth. All the joys that come with being an infant then toddler. Everyone loved this little girl. She was the first grandchild in her family. There were a few other challenges in her life, for instance right after her baby brother was born, her parents went their separate ways but that's another story.
So age 2 came along... Dad took Dora to the doctor's and he got the news that he didn't want to hear. Her hole was not closing up at all. They would wait a couple of years and then she would have to go to Sick Kids Hospital for a special heart procedure. This procedure involved going through her femoral artery in her groin and inserting a stent up into her heart. This stent would be strategically placed in the hole and over time, pull the hole closed and allow it to heal. Sounds crazy but this was apparently a well known procedure and her chances were great. So for the next couple of years, we put this in the back of our minds.
So age 4 came along, Dad had to schedule her heart procedure with Sick Kids Hospital. Of course, there was a waiting period, but this would not affect the outcome. Dora was scheduled for her procedure in September. September finally arrived... Dad and Nana were extremely nervous. They travelled down for this procedure that was to take place on Monday morning and she was to go home that night. Dad, Nana and Dora arrived at Sick Kids Hospital. If you have ever been there, you will agree with me what a wonderful place it is. It looks like a huge shopping mall that is all decorated with themes that kids love. But hopefully, you never have any need to go there.
The Doctor's sat down and talked to Dad and Nana about everything that was to take place. Dora would be prepped and anesthetized. They would go in through the femoral artery in her right groin to insert the stent. Once the procedure is done, she will have a few hours recovery and then she could go home or at least stay with the friends that lived in town. That was what was supposed to happen... Two hours, later the surgeon came out and broke the bad news to Dad and Nana. There is a 1 in 100,000 chance that during the procedure the stent can malfunction. Dora became chance 100,000. The surgeon did an excellent job in maneuvering the malfunctioned stent and essentially saved Dora's life but the stent was of no use now. The only option now was for the surgeon to perform open heart surgery on Dora to remove the stent and sew the hole up manually. Now, if you are like me... you think of "old people" having open heart surgery. But remember, Dora at this time was only 4 and a half.
If you know anything about Open Heart Surgery, it is exactly as it sounds. The surgeon had to cut through Dora's chest to get to her heart, where she removed the malfunctioned stent and sewed the hole in her heart. While in there, she had to insert a pace maker to help monitor her heart. The surgery took the maximum number of hours that the surgeon said it would so when that time was up, Nana and Dad were going crazy wondering what was going on. If you have ever been to a service center for your car, the more modern places have a monitor on the wall that tells you the status of your car and where in line you are. Sick Kids does the same thing. Nana and Dad watched this monitor for over 4 hours. Finally, the surgeon came out and he took them aside. Dora came through the surgery with flying colors. She is now resting in recovery and Dad could go see her.
It was a wonderful but pitiful sight. There was Dora. The kid we remember as smiling, giggling, running around getting into trouble now lying almost lifeless in a hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor. She had an IV in her arm, catheters coming out of both groins from the original procedure and wires coming out of her chest from the pace maker. This was hard to see. She had her 2 toys that she was allowed to have with her (Tasha and Uniqua from the Backyardigans) both with arm bands like Dora's.
Dad is not a religious man but I am betting that he said a few prayers that day and a few thank yous as well. Dora stayed in the hospital for the rest of the week, 3 more days at their friends in town and then had her follow-up appointment with the Cardiologist and the surgeon. Dora was recovering well. She was on multiple medications. Some for her heart and some for the fluid that was in her lungs from being on the heart and lung machine during the surgeries. Dora was able to go home after 8 days. It's amazing how fast some kids recover.
Dora is now over 5 years old and so far everything is going well. Except for the fact that about a month after she went back to school, she was running and fell and knocked here 2 front teeth back. This poor kid... what else can go wrong? The dentist was able to help her out.
As for the Mom, did she learn her lesson about smoking and drinking during pregnancy? Not so much... Dora's little brother Diego was also born premature. He was born after 29 weeks almost the same weight as Dora at birth. He was born with a brain bleed that required him to stay in the hospital for 3 months after his birth. He later developed Strabismus. This is a condition where your eyes are cross eyed. Diego was far sighted and had trouble seeing things up close. He over-compensated by crossing his eyes. He had to go for surgery at Sick Kids Hospital also. This surgery involved correcting the muscles around his eyes. He has to wear glasses for his eyesight and to help his eyes to heal. He was 3 when he had his surgery just a month before Dora's heart surgery.
When I visited the Mom in the hospital when Diego was born, she was sitting up on the bed cross-legged and feeling no pain. I couldn't believe my eyes. I told her, "Wow!! look at you sitting up already." Her response: "Yeah I am very lucky my babies are small". LUCKY!! I bit my tongue. You are not lucky when your babies are premature, not healthy and go on to have surgery after surgery. I have also heard nurses talk about delivering babies from smoking mothers where the placenta was like jelly, hence making it hard for the baby to breathe. Other babies are born with more life threatening conditions and are not as "lucky" as Dora and Diego.
If you know of someone who is pregnant and is still smoking or drinking, feel free to share my story with them. Maybe it will help them to quit, if not for themselves but maybe for their baby. It is no picnic going through all those issues when you are old, let alone when you are a newborn or a child.
The happy ending to this story is that as long as Dora and Diego continue to heal well from their surgeries and no other medical issues arise, they should be able to grow up and live normal lives. They are the "lucky" ones.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Overcoming Adversity
We hear a lot of amazing stories about people who are missing a limb overcoming their challenges and still living their life to the fullest. I've seen stories of men with artificial legs running marathons and a woman with no legs driving a car. There are many stories of these people not letting their disability get in the way of living. I have a similar story. I have a tale of a man with only one arm who was a hero to many kids.
My grandpa Leonard was born in 1899. When he was 10 years old, he was tending to his chores near their horse and buggy. Suddenly something spooked the horses, Leonard was knocked over and his arm got tangled in the spokes of the buggy. The consequences of this incident were devastating. Leonard lost his arm. I don't know if in 1909 there was a such thing as a prosthetic arm but even so, Leonard's family was poor so it probably would not have been an option. Since Leonard grew up on a farm, he had to overcome his loss and figure out how to perform his share of the chores.
Well, since Leonard was born so long ago, I don't know a lot more than that about his childhood other than... I heard that when he lost his arm, his mother got angry with him for spooking the horses. Hopefully there is more to that story or I might think my great-grandmother was cruel.
What do I remember? Well what I do know is that Leonard was married to a lovely lady named Marjorie and they raised 11 children. Big families were common back then especially in rural areas. Leonard ran a small farm and had various jobs in town. Leonard also became a skilled carpenter and a wonderful grandfather.
So why do I consider him a hero? When I go back home and run into people in his old hometown, they share tales of Leonard making small rowboats as a hobby. He also made sleds so that all the kids in town could enjoy sliding in the winter. Not to mention, I have memories of my grandpa shuffling cards with his left hand and his right stump. Also, he used to bounce us grandkids on his knee. My Grandfather died when I was only seven but I am still grateful for the memories I still have. Here he is in his workshop.
My grandpa Leonard was born in 1899. When he was 10 years old, he was tending to his chores near their horse and buggy. Suddenly something spooked the horses, Leonard was knocked over and his arm got tangled in the spokes of the buggy. The consequences of this incident were devastating. Leonard lost his arm. I don't know if in 1909 there was a such thing as a prosthetic arm but even so, Leonard's family was poor so it probably would not have been an option. Since Leonard grew up on a farm, he had to overcome his loss and figure out how to perform his share of the chores.
Well, since Leonard was born so long ago, I don't know a lot more than that about his childhood other than... I heard that when he lost his arm, his mother got angry with him for spooking the horses. Hopefully there is more to that story or I might think my great-grandmother was cruel.
What do I remember? Well what I do know is that Leonard was married to a lovely lady named Marjorie and they raised 11 children. Big families were common back then especially in rural areas. Leonard ran a small farm and had various jobs in town. Leonard also became a skilled carpenter and a wonderful grandfather.
So why do I consider him a hero? When I go back home and run into people in his old hometown, they share tales of Leonard making small rowboats as a hobby. He also made sleds so that all the kids in town could enjoy sliding in the winter. Not to mention, I have memories of my grandpa shuffling cards with his left hand and his right stump. Also, he used to bounce us grandkids on his knee. My Grandfather died when I was only seven but I am still grateful for the memories I still have. Here he is in his workshop.
Grandpa LeonardMonday, March 16, 2009
Greatest TRUE Love Story I Know Part 3 (Finale)
Bill's personality started to get worse and he started to regress to memories of when he was a kid. One day, Herbena came home with her granddaughter and relieved her friend who was looking after him. The errand had taken longer than expected and it was Bill's usual dinner time. Also, there was a problem with the heating in the apartment building. All of these factors were affecting his mood.
While the granddaughter was in the next room, Herbena took Bill into the kitchen and was rushing to make him some dinner. In her rush to get his dinner on the table, his tea cup tipped and almost spilled. Bill started yelling at Herbena and calling her rude names. Their granddaughter could not believe her ears. Was this the same calm, sweet grandfather she had always known. The same grandfather that always called her "Sweetie Pie". She immediately stood up and walked into the kitchen and told him to stop yelling at Herbena. He was shocked because he had forgotten that the granddaughter was there. Herbena didn't even flinch, just stood there and took it. The granddaughter asked Herbena if he yelled at her like that often. Herbena said "All the time."
That summer, Herbena went away on a trip with 1 daughter, granddaughter, 1 son and daughter-in-law to a family reunion. She wasn't going to go, but her kids convinced her to temporarily put Bill in a home during the trip. She felt so guilty but could not deny that she had a great time on the trip. It was the first break she had in a long time. When she came back, she decided to look into a permanent placement for Bill.
Shortly after, Bill was in a home permanently. Herbena visited him daily for many hours. Family members visited him often in the home. Bill seemed to be doing well there. The staff was so good to him. Everyone just played along with whatever era he thought he was in. Some of these eras included times when he was a teen and playing in a band or times when his kids where young. He often referred to his granddaughter as his daughter. She didn't mind. She just played along.
The following Christmas, the family decided to bring Bill home for Christmas dinner. Nobody wanted to leave him out of the festivities. However, from the time he arrived at the apartment, he was confused about everything. His routine was interrupted. He yelled at his son. He complained about everything. Everyone tried to put on a happy face but in the end, Herbena was saddened by the whole event. When the kids brought him back to the home, he was a completely different personality and settled right back into his routine. Clearly, the home was the best place for him.
With Christmas behind her, Herbena tried to settle back into her new life but then illness hit her. She was in and out of the hospital. Finally, she went from one daughter's house to the other. Her other 2 kids lived out of town but stayed close to the phone and talked to her often. Then one day, her health got even worse and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor's stabilized her. But a few days later, her two daughters, both nurses knew that she would not be around for much longer. Nobody at any time told Bill what was going on. They didn't want him to be sad if he even remembered her. Also, they knew that he would not remember later anyways.
Finally on January 26, Herbena lost her battle with life. The kids and grandkids all came home. After the funeral, everyone took their shifts at the home visiting Bill. Still nobody told him anything about their loss. YET Bill kept saying things like "Well she's up there now doing her duty". When asked about it, he got confused.
Everyone went on with their lives trying to adjust to life without Herbena. Regular monthly calls to each other turned into weekly calls just to talk. Everyone, once again, banded together to support each other through their grief. Then it happened...
22 days after the loss of Herbena... Bill usually calm, living in other eras of his life, started to have a fit in the dining room at the home. Refusing to settle into his usual routine, he kept telling the nurse "I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN AND BE WITH HERBENA". The nurses managed to calm him but during his dinner, he slumped over his plate and had a stroke. His kids rushed to the home and sat by his bedside. They held his hand and just kept telling him, "It's okay Dad, go to Mom, we will be okay." He died that night.
All the kids were shocked by the fact that Bill knew somehow that Herbena had died. Even if he was told by a nurse or someone else, how did he remember her and how did he manage to control the timing of his death. The kids all commented on how it seemed like he waited for her to go ahead of him and prepare a place for him in Heaven; looking after him in Heaven just like she did in life. In his grief, the eldest son joked that they were now orphans. Herbena was in her 82nd year and Bill was in his 85th year. They would have been married 63 years.
While the granddaughter was in the next room, Herbena took Bill into the kitchen and was rushing to make him some dinner. In her rush to get his dinner on the table, his tea cup tipped and almost spilled. Bill started yelling at Herbena and calling her rude names. Their granddaughter could not believe her ears. Was this the same calm, sweet grandfather she had always known. The same grandfather that always called her "Sweetie Pie". She immediately stood up and walked into the kitchen and told him to stop yelling at Herbena. He was shocked because he had forgotten that the granddaughter was there. Herbena didn't even flinch, just stood there and took it. The granddaughter asked Herbena if he yelled at her like that often. Herbena said "All the time."
That summer, Herbena went away on a trip with 1 daughter, granddaughter, 1 son and daughter-in-law to a family reunion. She wasn't going to go, but her kids convinced her to temporarily put Bill in a home during the trip. She felt so guilty but could not deny that she had a great time on the trip. It was the first break she had in a long time. When she came back, she decided to look into a permanent placement for Bill.
Shortly after, Bill was in a home permanently. Herbena visited him daily for many hours. Family members visited him often in the home. Bill seemed to be doing well there. The staff was so good to him. Everyone just played along with whatever era he thought he was in. Some of these eras included times when he was a teen and playing in a band or times when his kids where young. He often referred to his granddaughter as his daughter. She didn't mind. She just played along.
The following Christmas, the family decided to bring Bill home for Christmas dinner. Nobody wanted to leave him out of the festivities. However, from the time he arrived at the apartment, he was confused about everything. His routine was interrupted. He yelled at his son. He complained about everything. Everyone tried to put on a happy face but in the end, Herbena was saddened by the whole event. When the kids brought him back to the home, he was a completely different personality and settled right back into his routine. Clearly, the home was the best place for him.
With Christmas behind her, Herbena tried to settle back into her new life but then illness hit her. She was in and out of the hospital. Finally, she went from one daughter's house to the other. Her other 2 kids lived out of town but stayed close to the phone and talked to her often. Then one day, her health got even worse and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor's stabilized her. But a few days later, her two daughters, both nurses knew that she would not be around for much longer. Nobody at any time told Bill what was going on. They didn't want him to be sad if he even remembered her. Also, they knew that he would not remember later anyways.
Finally on January 26, Herbena lost her battle with life. The kids and grandkids all came home. After the funeral, everyone took their shifts at the home visiting Bill. Still nobody told him anything about their loss. YET Bill kept saying things like "Well she's up there now doing her duty". When asked about it, he got confused.
Everyone went on with their lives trying to adjust to life without Herbena. Regular monthly calls to each other turned into weekly calls just to talk. Everyone, once again, banded together to support each other through their grief. Then it happened...
22 days after the loss of Herbena... Bill usually calm, living in other eras of his life, started to have a fit in the dining room at the home. Refusing to settle into his usual routine, he kept telling the nurse "I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN AND BE WITH HERBENA". The nurses managed to calm him but during his dinner, he slumped over his plate and had a stroke. His kids rushed to the home and sat by his bedside. They held his hand and just kept telling him, "It's okay Dad, go to Mom, we will be okay." He died that night.
All the kids were shocked by the fact that Bill knew somehow that Herbena had died. Even if he was told by a nurse or someone else, how did he remember her and how did he manage to control the timing of his death. The kids all commented on how it seemed like he waited for her to go ahead of him and prepare a place for him in Heaven; looking after him in Heaven just like she did in life. In his grief, the eldest son joked that they were now orphans. Herbena was in her 82nd year and Bill was in his 85th year. They would have been married 63 years.
Nana and Papa... I'm sorry if I messed up some of the details of your life. Some of these events happened before I was born and some when I was really young. I only have 2 regrets about my relationship with you: 1 - I didn't come home the night before you died to say goodbye; and 2 - you never got to meet my wonderful husband and 2 beautiful daughters. Even though it has been 9 years since you are gone, I still miss you both very much. I love you.
Bill and HerbenaSunday, March 15, 2009
Greatest TRUE Love Story I Know Part 2
Life went on, they had their laughs and they had their cries. Herbena started to have quite a few health problems over the years, they ranged from heart attacks that led to open heart surgery (probably caused by her diabetes) to breast cancer. Through it all she came out with flying colors. Bill supported by his kids, endured it all and every time held his wife in his arms and prayed for the best. Bill had a few problems as well, not quite as life threatening but he did suffer pneumonia a few times that also affected his kidneys. Not to mention his hearing was going and Bill had to wear a hearing aid.
One day after Bill retired, Herbena received a sympathy card. You'd think that this would be a sad occasion, but Herbena couldn't help but laugh because the card said "We are sorry for the loss of your husband". Yes this was funny because Bill was standing beside her and also read the card and had a good laugh. But they then had to have the serious conversation with the party that sent it and explained that they had the wrong Bill and that he was alive and well.
When Bill turned 70, he was reminded by the fact that his Dad had died at 70 and something changed in him that year. He started to forget things, his personality started to change. Bill was always a quiet and gentle man. Herbena started to notice these subtle differences and shared them with her kids. Everyone, at first, just thought that he was getting older. One day when he was out for a drive with his eldest son, Bill decided to tell his son about his problem. "Sometimes I forget things so if you think that I am going to turn or drive in the wrong direction, please tell me." A few minutes later, he missed their turn and his son told him about it. Bill yelled: "Don't tell me how to drive!!". Other family members started to notice that Bill was repeating himself a lot and forgetting things. Bill was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Herbena was devastated. Where was her husband, her partner and best friend? Now all she had was this man living with her that didn't always know her.
For the longest time, Herbena insisted that she could look after him at home. She was managing things fine for a while. At least that is how Herbena let everyone believe. She married him for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. This was her job to look after him. So Herbena decided that she needed to step up her responsibilities. Herbena, now 77 years old, had never had her driver's license. A few times throughout her life, Bill had tried to teach her but without success. They had finally just resigned to the fact that he would do all the driving. Well Bill was now 80 and had to redo his driving test. Of course, being diagnosed with Alzheimer's he was unable to pass. Everyone else started driving them around. His granddaughter found it easier to tell him a little lie that she was still learning to drive and she needed to practice. She felt bad for lying but it was easier than seeing his reaction and questions as to why he could not drive. So instead, she would just smile through it when he would give her instructions and ask her what to do at a stop sign.
Finally, Herbena decided she needed to get her license after all because she didn't want to rely on others to do all her errands or to drive her everywhere. She just wanted to be able to go to the bank, grocery store, church and hair dresser. So she picked up the phone and called the driving school. She had the best teacher. He would take her out for an hour each time and only charge her a few times. After 2 tries, she got her license. Of course, everyone helped her out with extra practice sessions. She was so proud of herself especially after there was an article in the paper about her.
Herbena continued to survive a life looking after Bill and his Alzheimer's. Everyone kept telling her that she needed to give herself a break and look into a home for him. She kept denying that she could not look after him. One day, she had to step out to run a quick errand and when she came home, Bill was gone. She immediately called her kids. Her grandson who was a policeman, called in a favour at work to try to get some help to start looking for him. After a few hours, Bill wandered home. He was confused why everyone was over and so happy to see him. He didn't seem to know everyone YET he looked right at his grandson who was in plain clothes and said, "What did you call the cops for?" After that, Herbena had the locks changed so that you needed a key on both sides of the door and she had a friends stay with Bill whenever she had to go out.
Please come back tomorrow for the finale of this story…
One day after Bill retired, Herbena received a sympathy card. You'd think that this would be a sad occasion, but Herbena couldn't help but laugh because the card said "We are sorry for the loss of your husband". Yes this was funny because Bill was standing beside her and also read the card and had a good laugh. But they then had to have the serious conversation with the party that sent it and explained that they had the wrong Bill and that he was alive and well.
When Bill turned 70, he was reminded by the fact that his Dad had died at 70 and something changed in him that year. He started to forget things, his personality started to change. Bill was always a quiet and gentle man. Herbena started to notice these subtle differences and shared them with her kids. Everyone, at first, just thought that he was getting older. One day when he was out for a drive with his eldest son, Bill decided to tell his son about his problem. "Sometimes I forget things so if you think that I am going to turn or drive in the wrong direction, please tell me." A few minutes later, he missed their turn and his son told him about it. Bill yelled: "Don't tell me how to drive!!". Other family members started to notice that Bill was repeating himself a lot and forgetting things. Bill was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Herbena was devastated. Where was her husband, her partner and best friend? Now all she had was this man living with her that didn't always know her.
For the longest time, Herbena insisted that she could look after him at home. She was managing things fine for a while. At least that is how Herbena let everyone believe. She married him for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. This was her job to look after him. So Herbena decided that she needed to step up her responsibilities. Herbena, now 77 years old, had never had her driver's license. A few times throughout her life, Bill had tried to teach her but without success. They had finally just resigned to the fact that he would do all the driving. Well Bill was now 80 and had to redo his driving test. Of course, being diagnosed with Alzheimer's he was unable to pass. Everyone else started driving them around. His granddaughter found it easier to tell him a little lie that she was still learning to drive and she needed to practice. She felt bad for lying but it was easier than seeing his reaction and questions as to why he could not drive. So instead, she would just smile through it when he would give her instructions and ask her what to do at a stop sign.
Finally, Herbena decided she needed to get her license after all because she didn't want to rely on others to do all her errands or to drive her everywhere. She just wanted to be able to go to the bank, grocery store, church and hair dresser. So she picked up the phone and called the driving school. She had the best teacher. He would take her out for an hour each time and only charge her a few times. After 2 tries, she got her license. Of course, everyone helped her out with extra practice sessions. She was so proud of herself especially after there was an article in the paper about her.
Herbena continued to survive a life looking after Bill and his Alzheimer's. Everyone kept telling her that she needed to give herself a break and look into a home for him. She kept denying that she could not look after him. One day, she had to step out to run a quick errand and when she came home, Bill was gone. She immediately called her kids. Her grandson who was a policeman, called in a favour at work to try to get some help to start looking for him. After a few hours, Bill wandered home. He was confused why everyone was over and so happy to see him. He didn't seem to know everyone YET he looked right at his grandson who was in plain clothes and said, "What did you call the cops for?" After that, Herbena had the locks changed so that you needed a key on both sides of the door and she had a friends stay with Bill whenever she had to go out.
Please come back tomorrow for the finale of this story…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
